The Collection Chamber: NATIONAL LAMPOON'S BLIND DATE

Meet Sandi, your blind date for the evening - courtesy of D.U.D.S. (Dates Unlimited for Desperate Schmucks). She may look like an angel, but watch out! She could be the blind date from hell. For the first time on CD (the game no other publisher would touch), National Lampoon's Blind Date: a rip roaring ride through dating purgatory.

This game may appear superficially similar to another one, bit it's different.

No, really! For starters, the girls in that game are ugly. And, the game designers are virgins. So but this one. This is the real thing. It's written by guys who really have sex and everything. (Even we didn't get half the jokes).

Top 10 reason to buy this game

10. Designed by guys who really have sex.
9. It's cheaper than a real date.
8. Two words... Hot babes.
7. Two more words... Mega-babes.
6. Familiar interface - only one hand required!
5. Perfect for guys with little hard drives.
4. No extraneous cuddling necessary afterwards.
3. The most fun you can have with your computer without getting electrocuted.
2. You can play with a friend. Or play with yourself.

And the number one reason to by National Lampoon's Blind Date:

1. We need the money

~ from the back of the box

If you're alone this Valentine's day then boy, do I have the game for you. Meet National Lampoon's Blind Date, a 1994 interactive FMV disaster that attempts to capture the thrill of dating with the subtlety of a tequila slammer. It's as if your lonely and awkward single self was transported into a digital world where charm is measured by how many drinks you can buy your date, Sandi, without going broke. Let's dive into this retro dating simulation to see if it holds the recipe for romance...

With any foray into the dating scene, first impressions are important. Do you come off as pleasant or pompous? Sexy or psycho? Does the toilets have windows big enough to escape out of? The game's first impressions aren't that great. The FMV footage is pixelated to the point where Sandi, your digital date, looks like someone failed to hide her identity and it's shrunk in the centre of the screen. The small video window was common for this era of Windows 3.1, but the presentation surrounding it is also uninspired. Its visuals and presentation feel cheap and plain, as if they haven't put as much effort into this interaction as you have. But do not judge a book by its cover, perhaps the content underneath is worth it.

If you have the option of buying a drink from Max the bartender, you know you're on the right path (left).

The hint system lets you watch Sandi's personal while also providing hints (right).

Let's get to know your date. Once you're ready to interact, the game proceeds like a choose-your-own-adventure by way of an interactive movie. At every turn, you're presented with two to three dialogue options designed to help you win over Sandi. This is less about making meaningful conversation and more about selecting the least repulsive response to her offbeat commentary. Will you charm her? Or will you come off like an overzealous, cringey chancer with a questionable understanding of social cues? The whole game boils down to making the right choices to keep Sandi entertained enough to let you move on to the next scene - a relentless quest for validation in a world that offers nothing but limited choices.

So, how do you know you're on the right path? You check on her mood. Low-quality FMV can't quite convey the subtleties and nuances of human emotion, so the game's response is to offer up a ring - a mood ring. Yes, the game introduces a mechanic straight from your little sister's jewelry box. Sandi's emotional state is displayed by a colorful mood ring. Is she turned on? Is she irritated? Sandi's mood changes with your responses, and the colour of the ring will reflect that. If you're not careful, that ring will go from a mellow blue to fiery red and she will respond with one of the many bad game endings. If you want to be invited back to her house, don't mess up.

If Sandi dumps you, you'll be mocked by this guy (left). The "Boss" feature will hide the game

if the boss walks past. This is just an image, though. Those apps sadly aren't real (right).

One of the best ways to butter her up is to buy her drinks. The bartender, Max, will be your official guru of the woo. If you choose your answers correctly, he'll tell you exactly what to buy your date to appease her. You have a $100 budget, and rounds aren't cheap so don't blow all your cash too soon. If you do, you'll never afford the cab fare home (though whose home is still up in the air). As for Sandi herself, she's a little one-dimensional. Actress Wendy Stewart attempts to bring some feisty depth, but the character's entire personality is a string of tired catchphrases, dated sitcom references and purring like a cat. Not exactly a substitute for a meaningful connection.

Now, let's talk about the climax - or lack thereof. The 18 rating from the BBFC might have you thinking that things get steamy at some point, but in truth, it's about as risqué as an average episode of Friends. No nudity here, just a bunch of awkward innuendo and cringe-worthy dialogue. The most you'll get are some hidden Easter Egg clips of hot women writhing around in one-piece swimsuits. Ultimately, it's a 12A-rated experience full of cheap laughs, uncomfortable pauses, and a dose of lad-mag humour that only appeals to a certain type of teenage boy. Even the comedy that the National Lampoon moniker promises isn't there. Your date night will be better off watching Animal House or Vacation.

National Lampoon's Blind Date is simply dated. From the humour, presentation and gameplay, it will only interest the curious. It's not a worth a second date, but it might be the kind of disaster you'll be laughing about with your next. Painful.

To download the game, follow the link below. This custom installer exclusive to The Collection Chamber uses the DOSBox-X build of DOSBox running Microsoft Windows 3.1 to get the game working on modern systems. Manual included. Read the ChamberNotes.txt for more detailed information. Tested on Windows 10.

File Size: 388 Mb. Install Size: 523 Mb. Need help? Consult the Collection Chamber FAQ

Download