As all geeks know, it was International Stars Wars Day yesterday (May the 4th). It being on a bank holiday this year meant that the Collection Chamber was closed so it is today we celebrate all things Lucas with Star Warped.
Don't start the celebrations too early as along with MicroShaft Windblows, X-Fools and PYST, Star Warped is a parody game. Developed by Parroty Interactive as merely an excuse to make fun of the holy trilogy and its fans, all of its contents is unlicensed, unofficial and woefully unfunny. I never thought I'd have cause to give high praise to Robot Chicken or Family Guy, but this makes them look like Monty Python multiplied.
Things begin inoffensively enough as we're introduced to two geeky brothers in their bedroom eager to show up their Star Wars collectables and creations. It's a promising setup that could lead to a wide variety of scope and invention. Unfortunately they only managed one of those things as there's a lot to do. It's a shame so little of it is any good.
You can access the different mini-games by either a main menu (the panel) or by exploring an accurate cartoon representation the two brothers' bedroom (barring the smell). It appears that they didn't think to tidy up in their drawing as things are scattered everywhere. It's so cluttered that you're not sure what you can click on and what you can't. I found myself returning to the panel to access the different sections, probably missing a few skits and quips by doing so.
I'll mention a few of the mini-games. There are a lot here but some are so slight that they're not really worth mentioning. One of the better ones that's unlocked at the start in the Whack an Ewok shooting gallery. The aim of the game is in the title. I'm sure in 1997 it was something of a wish fulfillment fantasy to do this to the somewhat reviled Ewoks, but post Jar-Jar the furry critters don't seem so bad.
You can also get your fortunes told when you Ask Yoda, discover that Darth Vader and Boba Fett had a thing by completing Dork Forces and stop a speeding bus from going below 50 miles per hour in X-Schwing. Yes, the parody of that all time classic PC game X-Wing is not just that of a two year old (at the time) action movie starring Sandra Bullock. It does take place in an asteroid field so that's something.
One of the better unlockable games is Flawed Fighters, or Mortal Kombat type game where Star Wars toy rejects are pitted against each other to the death. There's Leia. I.Joe (Leia meets G.I.Joe - that's the level of comedy here guys), Cool Handless Luke (better) and Pizza Flipping Greedo (huh?). It's an extremely basic fighter but at least more effort has been put in here - you simply have to play through a lot of crap to access it.
In my opinion there's not much to like about this game, but for the sake of objectivity, I have found a few reviews online that heap a lot of praise on it. Perhaps I didn't like this particularly style of humour. Maybe I'm not that big of a Star Wars nerd to enjoy the jokes, or maybe I'm too big of one and find them unoriginal. It could be that it's part of the so-bad-it's-good crowd along the likes of Plan 9 from Outer Space and The Room (didn't like them either). Either way, you can make up your own mind by giving it a go, if only for curiosity's sake.
To download the games, follow the link below. This custom installer exclusive to The Collection Chamber uses DOSBox running Microsoft Windows 3.1 to get the game working on modern systems. Tested on Windows 7 and Windows 10.
04.05.2016 - Version 2 - Windows 3.1 will now autoclose when exiting the game
Star Warped is © Parroty Interactive
Review, Cover Design and Installer created by me